Searching for Optimism in 2023

I’m trying really hard to remain an optimist. As we grow older, conversations become graver. Life gets more complicated and less certain. There’s less talk about hopes for the future and more about missed opportunities. 

Our world gives us too many reasons to complain and I do my best to pull out of what is sometimes a very appealing spiral. Sometimes it takes a conscious, sustained effort to remain on a positive trajectory. When others try to engage me in a grumble session, yes, I will most likely join in – at least for a while. Then, I’ll usually catch myself. 

It’s not about ignoring the negative; this is not an exercise in mutual exclusivity. We must continue to confront and address personal and societal problems. 

But, let’s face it, there’s always something to whine about. If there’s no constructive effort to discuss a potential solution, I give people room to vent but then will likely ask, “Tell me something good.” (I adapted this line years ago from the movie Apollo 13. After an explosion rocked the capsule, alerts and alarms spewed at Mission Control and in space. Trying to get hold of an increasingly panicked situation, flight director Gene Kranz said, “What do we’ve got [sic] on the spacecraft that's good?”) 

It’s often a heavy lift to pick up and place yourself onto a different track. Complaining is easy, generally satisfying, and attracts a crowd. Once re-railed, though, new opportunities can open. Happiness for another’s good news might overwhelm your schadenfreude. Smiles can replace frowns. Hope may supersede regret. 

What passes for optimism, though, is largely in eye of the pessimist. It might take a little or it might take a lot but it shouldn’t always have to take years and cost billions of dollars. 

"Reasons for Optimism in 2023" (The New York Times) recognizes that we’re in “a world facing many challenges” but proclaims “there are reasons to be hopeful about next year and beyond.” Some of the reasons mentioned in the article are not exactly cheap or around the corner, however. Among the highlights listed include moving “a little closer” to nuclear fusion, advances in AI that “probably won’t take your job,” and “getting closer to cancer vaccines.”

That mislabeled article is not a prediction for breakthroughs in the next 12 months. It’s much better viewed through the lens of hopeful incrementalism. We limit our happiness and our satisfaction if the only measure of success is a home run or a touchdown.

We can enhance our lives exponentially if we remind ourselves that the little stuff matters – a lot. We need to invest in the essential steps along the way to a larger goal and celebrate when each are accomplished. Politicians, business leaders, and our friends and loved ones should consider expanding their definition of what is good cause for optimism. Searching for optimism in 2023 and beyond could get a whole lot easier.

A Culture of Complaining

This article also appears in odwyerpr.com.

The Message in Misery

We have all engaged in complaining about something at some time. A bad meal. A crazy boss. A broken gadget. An outrageous bill.

Then, there's competitive complaining. In "Misery Poker: It's One Game Worth Losing," Elizabeth Bernstein wrote recently in The Wall Street Journal that "stressed to the max and desperate for everyone to know it, many of us are trying to trump each other with our carping." She went on to note that "instead of sharing our misery, we seem to be using it as a competitive weapon. ...there are those who use stress as a measure of success."

Perhaps we're seeing complaints in a new light or at a new level with this recession but I've seen this "out-martyring" routine many times before. I remember one notable example that I overheard during a bus ride in Chicago in the late 90s -- one guy said proudly that he had a heart attack at 45, the other guy scoffed and said that's when he had his second heart attack. He had his first at 42.

As a communicator, though, I'm looking for some deeper meaning in our complaints. After all, complaining is a form of communication and, like any exchange, we need to know our audience. Here's my attempt at categorizing complainers:

• Attention Seekers. This may be the largest category of complainers -- those who may have some unfulfilled emotional need for attention. If there's an unmet need, it might be worth exploring what caused the void, why it may not be getting filled and what it might take to make a permanent (or at least a long-lived) repair.
• Terminally Annoying. My sense is that there are some people that are just hard-wired to whine. They have to gain some insight, recognize the behavior and devise some tactics to overcome the impulse. Otherwise, we have to cope with it or tune it out.
• Clinically Complicated. Some complainers would be better categorized as patients with neuroses. Guiding them toward some medical or psychological intervention might be indicated.
• Pressure Cookers. It can be a scary situation to witness a usually even-keeled person erupting into a complaining rant. It's unexpected, it's out of character. These complainers lack a relief valve that can episodically vent some steam. They need to understand that providing feedback in a timely manner will not diminish their likability and will, in fact, create better relationships.
• Crowd Followers. Due to a lack of confidence or an eagerness to fit in and be accepted, some people will take the lead of others and join in on the complaining. They need to think more about which crowd they want to be aligned.
• Signal Senders. In my experience, there is an under-appreciated group that may be making actual attempts to communicate an issue or send an alert but the message is interpreted as a complaint. Rather than brushing it off, it may be worth investigating their motivation or intent.

Sure, complaining can alienate. It can brand us as disloyal. It can lead to stress and, some say, even shorten your life. (According to my mother, however, this was not the case for her mother-in-law. Decades ago when I told my mother that I hoped grandma wouldn't die, she said, "Don't worry. She has so much more complaining to do that she'll probably live forever.") We could and should be reading more into the whines, moans and carping we hear each day but, as Freud might have said, sometimes a complaint is just a complaint.

Between blog posts, I invite you to follow me on Twitter @pauloestreicher.